Winter 2002.

Post Feminist Pop Tarts

by Miss Amy Abdou

I'm a post-second wave feminist/ entrepreneur sex goddess with a problem. I want a man in my life. That's the problem. I want someone to protect me, to be loyal, to take care of me, to help me understand stuff, and vice versa. My life is so chaotic, and I feel that this unanswered area is the one thing that is really lacking- someone tall, dark and handsome with a penchant for Arabic women would do nicely.

The thing of it is, unlike some of my female compatriots, I don't need a man for his paycheck or status. You would suspect this would be a step forward in human relationships or equality between the sexes, but it is the absolute black flag of dating. Men don't make passes at girls who kick asses.

This is why many women of my age and education are choosing to date younger men. Younger men are profiting from having positive strong female role models and having matured in a more liberal progressive society. Ergo:

  • They're not as caught up in gender stereotypes.

  • They don't seem to mind if a woman makes more money, or has a life, or a Master's degree.

  • They already know you are more experienced and, rather than be threatened by it, they roll with it. They think it's refreshing that they don't have to initiate every move.

This leads us to the last and most critical reason why older women or, for that matter, older people date younger people:

  • They haven't had their hearts broken yet; you don't have to fight your way in with a younger man.

Big age differences result in other sorts of complications, however. You've grown up on a completely different body of knowledge. All your cultural references date you; a discussion of popular music, television, movies and other defining moments of your adolescence won't translate, and what seems appropriate for one age cohort often does not translate well to another. (face it, everyone has their Bon Jovi.) The irony of introducing a younger man to the pleasures of Woody Allen movies is not lost on me.

Anyway, dating is already a humbling experience. It's sort of like having to explain again and again that you're not retarded. Some of my lesbian friends say my fatal mistake is in trying to communicate with men. If you talk to a man, it might squash your desire to sleep with him. Lesbians know this. When they want to hook up with a man for the night, they insist, "no talking."

It's a good policy if you just want sex, because the more talking that goes on, the more likely the guy is to say, offend your aesthetic tastes, in which case, sex is just not going to happen. It's difficult for women to separate the person and the opinion.

But , if you don't talk to them, you can't decide whether they are boyfriend material or not. How will you ever know if they are worthy of a trip around the world? There is plently of stuff by which to judge another human being, but talking (combined with listening) is still the best form of communication and a good way to find out if you like each other in the end.

So there it is. The Diva's Dilemma. I'm an equal opportunity employer. I just want a nice guy with some self-confidence and the desire to worship me. And NEVER, under any circumstances, utter the word "Mom", or "Mama" or God-forbid, "Mommy" to me. That should be easy enough to find, right?

AMY ABDOU is is tired of explaining that she is not retarded.